Resolutions

The primary reason why I created this blog site is to improve myself. That is to make myself more peaceful. My mind is admittedly so chaotic. I am now ready to admit to myself, that I have ADD. It's Attention Deficit Disorder. I thought it was more like bipolar. But as I had researched, it was more aggressive and destructive type.

So, I decided to just take one day at a time. Writing my thoughts as I had been doing with this blog, help me a lot to focus. Taking one day at a time, help me focus on what are the most important things I had to accomplish in a day. As I have a lot of thoughts every second, I forgot to do much of the most essential responsibilities I have to do. 

Another resolution, is to love and be happy of all the blessings that I have right now. I had been thinking of all the things I wanted, that I so blind not to see these wonderful people and things that love and surround me everyday. 

Lastly, I had to forget all hurtful past events. What is most important is what is happening to me right now.

Daily Life

Much of my 40-years of existence, I was worrying so much of what will happen to me, my family, love ones, country, planet and almost all the things that surround me. But I always found myself, regretting why I was not able to enjoy events or simple moments that I am now craving for. Like, moments of playing with my babies, talking with my deceased parents,  romantic moments with my husband, and so many other freely accessible instances in my life. 

I had been so preoccupied of what WILL happen.. that I missed so many wonderful things that are happening..

Well, as always, since I believe, I'm still quite young, I am now starting to meditate and think of what really matters to me and enjoy every wonderful moments happening in my daily life. 

People with no respect of others time.. Late comers

What should one do to make other influential and powerful people realize that being late in a meeting is disrespectful? Do they really thought that since they are seniors or the older ones. they have a right to make the younger ones wait for them to come? They are old but not matured. So unprofessional and utterly disgusting.

What I decided to do after my serious contemplation of what happened. I will start to make them feel that what they did was wrong. Even if they are the senior ones, they do not have the right to waste, our (the younger ones) time. In my eyes and thoughts I look down on them, definitely planning that when my time comes, I will never consider them to be my associates or will ever thought of doing business with them. As soon as I'm able to free myself from them, I will make sure that I will never, associate my name or company with them.

Being absurdly late in a meeting is disgusting, hurtful and humiliating..

How to make myself happy and peaceful

Trying to make myself happy and peaceful at all times is very important. So,to make me happy and peaceful while doing my responsibilities, I made myself accept the reality of my situation and stop telling myself the SHOULDs that other people tell me. Honestly, they really do not know the real situation, the things that happened and are happening. So, how can they possibly tell me what I SHOULD do, SHOULD have, SHOULD ask  and most of all SHOULD be.

Taking time to talk to myself is my utmost responsibility.  Talking to myself entails that I should talk to MYSELF. Not imagining someone talking to me. But, finding a way to search within me, letting go of the real me inside and asking me what is it that I want and what I should do. Amazingly, I realized, I don’t really want and need much. I just want to be able to rest, be happy, healthy and peaceful .  The problems and worries I have are not about me.. It’s more about others. What they thought, might feel and what they will say about me. Should I really care?  But others told me I should. What should I say to myself? Let me go... Let me be me... Let me live in this world seeing, feeling and sensing everything in a way I want it to .. Not for anyone else.. Only me

Controlling My Anger

Very recently, I was able to control my anger.. I felt really proud of myself and noble. It took me more than 20 years and had paid a lot before I was able to master myself. How did I do that?

While my frequent object of hate, H, was saying hurtful accusations to me.. I was busy yelling and pulling her hair off..  in my thoughts. Strong imagination helped. It was effective for the first few minutes.. But as she continued, I was on the verge of making my day dreaming come true! I stopped and talked to myself. Telling me, that I will not talk back , she'll never deserve it. She shouldn't know, what I am thinking. I can control myself. It was so hard, yet, I continued talking to myself . After she stopped, I felt her shame of what she did, and I felt so proud of myself. I'm so noble.

That control over my anger, has limitations. H should never say bad or cursing words to me. I will never allow myself be degraded by anybody else... wrongful accusations, which I can only say,  are just aint true.. I believe is worth making myself a better person by being quiet and just let her talk ... 

WELCOME!

Today, I officially created this blogsite to share my thoughts, experiences, feelings and my journey towards improving myself... hopefully other people as well.